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What Are Your Characters Trying to Say?

Words are incredible. (But you already know that—you’re a writer.) We use them every day to manipulate the world around us in subtle and powerful ways—and your characters are no different.

Language can do so many things for us, besides simply conveying our thoughts. It let’s us navigate the social seas, perform actions and communicate so much using so little. We use it all the time, often without realising its incredible awesomeness.

We’ve all heard the advice: listen in on real conversations to improve our dialogue writing skills. Listening in on conversations is one thing. Fully appreciating and recognising their components is another thing entirely, especially when they’re so second-nature that we don’t notice them anymore. Let’s clear away the fog and clarify some today.

Often, we aren’t even conscious of the subtleties of conversation—we’re so familiar with reading and speaking between the lines that we intuitively know what people are trying to communicate, despite not explicitly stating it. It’s all too easy to forget about these subtleties when writing dialogue.

Just because fictional dialogue is more streamlined and focused than natural conversation doesn’t mean it can’t reflect its core features. When those features are reflected, dialogue can sound more natural and less stilted—and who doesn’t want that?


Expressing Agreement

If we agree with someone, the way we express that will differ depending on how enthusiastic or dedicated we are to what we’re saying.

When we wholeheartedly agree with someone or want to appear genuine, our responses tend to be straightforward, clear in their agreement, and given immediately, without a pause. If we’re enthusiastic, we’ll probably throw in a stronger descriptor or the same one with an intensifier too.

Example:
Melissa: “I think it’s really funny.”
Sarah:
“I think it’s hilarious.”

If we’re not so willing to agree with someone, our responses are usually more subdued in nature, using weaker expressions and repetitions of what’s already been said.

Example:
Melissa: “I think it’s really funny.”
Sarah:
“It is.”


Expressing Disagreement

We don’t always agree with what other people say. Most of the time, though, we don’t come right out and say that. It’s impolite, particularly around friends, family and superiors.

There are several ways we can dance around the subject, communicating our disagreement, denial or rejection in a way that lessens the blow or doesn’t cause offence.

For instance, we may initially be reluctant to disagree with someone and so we delay the response by pausing before replying to them. Delaying forever isn’t typically an option though, so the next step may be to ask for clarification to indicate our difference of opinion.

Example:
Melissa: “I think it’s really funny.”
Sarah:
(Pause) “Hm?”

To show that we’re about to disagree with someone, we can tack something called dispreference markers to our sentences. The biggest culprit is ‘Well.’ To further soften our rejection or disagreement, we can use phrases such as, ‘I don’t think I can…’ rather than, ‘I can’t…’ or a flat-out, ‘No.’

Example:
Melissa: “I think it’s really funny.”
Sarah: (Pause) “Hm?”
Melissa: “Him falling for that. Don’t you think?”
Sarah:
“Well, I don’t know.”

Offering a reason for our actions is also a common feature of expressing disagreement, denial or rejection. We justify why we don’t agree with someone to minimise hurt feelings or avoid looking confrontational, among other reasons.

Example:
Melissa: “I think it’s really funny.”
Sarah: (Pause) “Hm?”
Melissa: “Him falling for that. Don’t you think?”
Sarah:
“Well, I don’t know. I mean, he didn’t really know what to expect.”

Alternatively, we can offer token agreements, in which we say we both agree and disagree—reading between the lines, though, it’s pretty clear we disagree more.

Example:
Melissa: “I think it’s really funny.”
Sarah: (Pause) “Hm?”
Melissa: “Him falling for that. Don’t you think?”
Sarah:
“Well, yeah, but he didn’t really know what to expect.”


Self-Depreciations

People might put themselves down or belittle themselves for many reasons—because they truly believe it, for humour or tension release, for attention, etc. The socially accepted convention is to disagree with someone when they make self-deprecating remarks, and in natural conversation, it often takes the opposite pattern to the way of disagreeing described above.

When contradicting a belittling comment, the response is usually fast and firm, as opposed to meandering and hesitant, like in the previous examples.

Example:
Lena: “I can’t believe I missed it. I’m so stupid sometimes.”
Will:
“Don’t be silly. No, you’re not.”

When we agree with someone’s self-critical remarks, we tend to phrase this in a similar way to the normal disagreements stated previously—in a roundabout way that includes delays, dispreference markers, and minimisation of the negative aspects. This lets us express that, though we agree with what the speaker’s said, we’re not trying to attack them or make them feel bad.

Example:
Lena: “I can’t believe I missed it. I’m so stupid sometimes.”
Will: (Pause) “Well, it was only a small thing. It’s an easy mistake to make.”


Going Against the Grain

The examples above are of typical conversations from a Western setting, in which the speakers are trying to be polite and sensitive towards each other’s feelings. That doesn’t mean to say that all interactions have to be this way.

In fact, if your characters don’t know or don’t care about socially accepted behaviour, are impolite, unaware of the subtleties of speech, or from a place that doesn’t share these conventions, then they may do exactly the opposite of what’s described in this post!